Mothering the Self: Reparenting as a Path to Wholeness

Not all mother stories are soft.
Not all mothers are safe.
Not all of us feel that warm tether people write poems about in May.

And yet, the hunger for mothering—for warmth, for witnessing, for a steady hand on the small of your back—rarely goes away. Even when we’ve tried to silence it. Even when we’ve outgrown it. Even when the one who should have offered it couldn’t, or didn’t.

This is the ache that lives in so many:
The child inside who wonders, Was I too much? Was I not enough?

In therapy, this wound often speaks in whispers.
It shows up in adult relationships where love feels like walking on eggshells.
In a body that braces for criticism even in kindness.
In the way we shame ourselves for needing comfort or asking for help.

And for some, it shows up loud—like rage that feels too big to carry, or grief that no card or brunch can soothe. Mother’s Day doesn’t feel like a celebration. It feels like a landmine.

If this is you, know this: You are not alone.

You are not broken for having a complicated relationship with the word “mother.”
You are not ungrateful for protecting yourself.
You are not cold for not wanting to call or send flowers.

And yet, even as we give ourselves permission to grieve or feel angry, many of us also carry a quiet question:
If I didn’t receive the kind of mothering I needed… can I ever feel whole?

This is where the path of reparenting begins.

🌱 What Is Reparenting?

Reparenting is the process of turning inward to offer yourself the care, boundaries, nurture, and structure that may have been missing—or misattuned—in your early life.

It doesn’t mean erasing the past.
It doesn’t mean pretending you don’t still long for connection.
It means acknowledging that the mother you needed may not come from outside anymore.
But that doesn’t mean she’s gone.

Sometimes, she is waiting inside you—quiet, patient, unpracticed.
The part of you who can learn to say:

• “I see how much this hurts.”

• “You don’t have to earn rest.”

• “You’re allowed to feel scared.”

• “I will stay with you through this.”

Reparenting is not about fixing the inner child. It’s about relating to them. Listening to them. Sometimes for the first time.

🌼 Rewriting the Story

In narrative therapy, we look at how the stories we carry shape our sense of self. For many with maternal wounds, the internal narrative might sound like:

• “I have to be perfect to be loved.”

• “My needs make me a burden.”

• “I’m the strong one; I don’t get to fall apart.”

• “If I speak up, I’ll be punished or abandoned.”

These aren’t just beliefs—they’re survival strategies.
They helped you navigate relationships that couldn’t hold your full humanity.

But now, you’re older. You’re safer. And you’re allowed to update the story.

Imagine a new chapter—one where your worth isn’t measured by how well you accommodate others. One where love includes rest, softness, and safety. One where you can be held without being hurt.

This doesn’t erase the old story. But it expands it. It says:
Yes, that happened. And now I choose something different.

You get to author a new ending. Or maybe, a new beginning.

If this is the part of your story you're ready to explore—if the old patterns feel too heavy to carry alone—therapy can offer a safe, compassionate space to begin again.
You don’t have to rewrite the narrative by yourself. You’re invited to book a session and take the next gentle step toward wholeness.

Disclaimer:

The content provided on this blog is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The information shared here does not constitute a therapeutic relationship and should not be relied upon as mental health treatment.

Although the author is a licensed mental health professional in the state of Georgia, the content is general in nature and may not be applicable to your individual circumstances. Always seek the advice of a qualified mental health provider or other medical professional with any questions you may have regarding a mental health condition.

If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You can also contact the National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 for free and confidential support, available 24/7.